She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not...
A few weeks ago as I watched a child pull the petals off a daisy I was struck by this little ritual that our civilization has invented to determine the success of a love relationship. Of course no one actually believes that the outcome of this ritual will determine whether or not one has found true love, but the attitude of superstition, the sense of not really knowing what is going on and the tendency to pull the flower of love apart in our innocent search for the secret to its fulfillment is something that is familiar to us all.
Most of us dive into love like a blindfolded swimmer, unaware that we are wearing the blindfold and hoping for the best. We need to learn how to take that blindfold off and make conscious decisions so that we stop jumping into rocky or shark-infested waters. We can overcome our earlier mistakes and learn how to make new and better decisions. We don't have to keep repeating the past. This is what relationship coaching is all about. We can learn how to make our ideal relationship possible. Armed with that knowledge we become more secure and less impulsive. We can define our life's vision and commit to getting all of our needs and requirements met. In this way we can avoid what David Steele, founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute, calls the mini-marriage.
In the mini-marriage we become emotionally involved too quickly with someone we feel attracted to. Without a clear relationship plan we get in too deep and too fast. Then once we've lost sight of land the sharks start closing in... Before we know it we have another failed relationship on our hands. Our self-confidence has taken a beating and we begin to despair of ever finding a workable relationship. All of the petals are off the daisy and she loves me not.
Putting all of one's emotional investment into one relationship before we have determined whether or not this is the right relationship for us is the cause of the time wasting and confidence destroying pattern of the mini-marriage. Underneath this pattern is often found fear and/or ignorance of our true goals in life and how to fulfill them or how to utilize them to strengthen and succeed in our relationship quest.
You don't have to fall into the negative patterns of the past. You can make conscious relationship choices and learn the skills that we are not taught in school and that few of us have the chance to learn at home.
Most people think that they know what they want, but not how to get it. The truth is that we almost always need to fully clarify what it is that we truly require, need and want in life and in our primary relationship. Only when we are crystal clear about what it is that we are seeking can we develop confidence in our ability to achieve these unique goals. Then we can begin to develop the skills that will enable us to find the partnership that we truly need in life. Relationship coaching addresses all three of these aspects of a successful relationship quest - to know what, to know how and to know that it can and must be achieved.
Not only is it possible for us to achieve a life partnership that is an essential part of a truly fulfilling life, if we look closely at this issue we realize that it is also something that we are obligated to achieve. This is so because people who are true and functional life partners are able to give so much more to life than they could in solitary isolation. A true life partnership represents a creative contribution to the world.
Even more importantly for those of us who choose to be parents, a fully functional life partnership is the foundation of a healthy family. When you have created a partnership that fulfills your life vision the two of you have created a powerful sanctuary to support your children to go forward into life fully armed to achieve their own unique life potential and to develop healthy relationships of their own.
Avoid making choices that sabotage love. Relationship Success Training for Singles is offered via private sessions or through the group synergy of evening or weekend teleclasses.